There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
