Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
