Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
