maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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