you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
