i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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