by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This is my gift to your gina
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
