did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
