they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
