You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
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my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
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There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize