Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
