Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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