Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
