Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
