i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
