I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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