i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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