You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
