wat bout pragnant strippers??
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
