We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
