took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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