so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
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