she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
