Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
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I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
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I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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