I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize