remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
