The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens