it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
23 Ladies Who Have Mastered The Art Of Squirting
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like