Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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