I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
