the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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