You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.