i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
