So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
