Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
