The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
