i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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