You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
