I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
