it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
