My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
