just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
