Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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