god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest