The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb