It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
