She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
