So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
