WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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