We won't sleep together?
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
