marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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