im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize