I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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