no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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