I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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