Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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