i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
