well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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