I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
