covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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