I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
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