OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
