And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
