Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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