Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think I sprained my soul last night
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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