He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
